Work is great... I'm loving it... I have been dealing with purveyors and taking lots of decisions...
The best part about running out of money is that we have had to be really creative... That's a good thing... Keeping my brain very busy...
I have been asked to cut my costs as much as possible but there are some things where I'm not willing to give in... Like my compostable cups for instance... In order to get those I had to abstain from buying a bartender's blender... I love cold drinks and frappés... But it's more important that I have amazing coffee, really... Smoothies will most definitely have to wait...
About my life... I have been trying not to think, but as Morpheus isn't kind to me I just can't help it... I really feel I should stop trying to have one... I mean being life challenged can't be that bad, right? And not being sha la la happy is ok, if you think about it carefully...
A few years ago somebody called me a "tortured soul" and they said if I weren't one maybe I wouldn't be able to sing... And this time I'm completely sure they weren't talking about my technique...
I always say that technique is the most important part of my singing... But it's not really true... I'm always looking for ways to make every word ring true and that sometimes means scratching more than the surface of my feelings...
I remember this time when I challenged myself into singing nothing but love songs... I do have issues with love... Tons of them... I know... You guys have read about my being in love... I am... Completely head over heels here... But that's not the point... My allowing myself to fall in love is a new thing... The thing is I had never felt this way when I sang this concert I'm telling you about...
Anyways... I picked twenty songs... Songs that used to make me laugh because I really, really didn't buy the whole love thing and started working on them... Mostly working on lyrics the way you analyse poetry... Strangely, one of them, the one that I laughed the most to begin with just did the weirdest thing to me when I started rehearsing... Every time I sang it I just lost my voice...
I was about to take it out of the program, to be honest... But what I did instead was put it at the end of the concert... I was truly surprised when I started singing it... People just started looking at each other and most of them were crying by the time I was done...
Digressing here... What I really meant to talk about was not my performing abilities, but my tendency not to feel happy... I have been pondering the situation here and I have concluded that maybe feeling happy is not important... Maybe we just idealise the idea of it for we have always heard that we have to find it... I'm done doing that...
I'll just go with things that make me smile and feel alive... Like... Hum... Work?
