Dumb & Glamorous, Ph.D.

"If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies"

2011-09-03T21:52:00.001-05:00

I haven't been here for quite a long time now. It actually feels so... Strange? It's like when you leave your parent's house and then come for a visit. It's familiar, and definitely comforting but, it just doesn't feel like home any more...

I think I've changed too much... This place is so full of memories and smiles and pains and joys... All of them me... Only not the me I'm now...

I've been trying to decide on what to do about it... Maybe it's time to close this door for good? To relocate, to start something new... I don't know... This one is not an easy one... Tears are actually rolling down my cheeks as I write here.

I think I'll just go out the door and leave it ajar, just in case...

Random things that make me smile n°3

2011-07-18T14:48:00.002-05:00

St. Jude... Patron of desperate situations

I went driving the other day... I really needed out of the city... Drove for about an hour... Stopped for cake and coffee... Stopped into a church I passed along the way... Well, I got down on my knees... I digress... ;)

“There's nothing half so pleasant as coming home again.” Margaret Elizabeth Sangster

2011-07-12T19:33:00.003-05:00

… 12th of July already...

I didn’t realise I had taken so long to come and let you all know that I’m fine. I have been overworked and taking care of Othello, who had an accident... He is on his way to full recovery and I’m a bit more relaxed...

Having to work while he was ill was excruciating, really... I still managed to finish that mural I told you about and a few other projects...

I love the bronze details on the vitrine!

I just inherited some furniture. A desk for my office... I’m ecstatic! I just couldn’t go on working in the dining room...

A 19th century French vitrine that has me jumping up and down while singing Hallelujah... (Yup... Haendel... You know me and my kinks...) One of the glass panes broke unfortunately, and I will have to have it custom made... I’m thinking of turning it into my new bar...

So, how do you like this... it ok??

I think I’m ready to come back to the blogosphere now... I have truly missed you guys...

"An algorithm must be seen to be believed" Donald Knuth

2011-06-20T22:28:00.000-05:00

I'm far from finding my way and solving it all... I'm trying though... Very hard...

I began a project for a client today... A Mirrored wall... I love doing this kind of work... Keeps my brain in a zen state and allows me to escape it all, if only for a little while... I love working with algorithms as they usually mean a small procedure that solves a recurrent problem... I wish solving my life were as much fun as this is...


Algorithms... Algorithms...

This is how it starts... Will take more snapshots while I'm working on it... I hope to be finished in a few days...

Have the best of weeks, you guys...

“Silence is sometimes the answer”

2011-06-03T21:44:00.000-05:00

I just can’t write... I’m sorry, guys...

I will be back online as soon as I sort my life out...

Random things that make me smile n°2

2011-05-26T10:21:00.002-05:00


My Mojito plant...

Weekend is almost here, and the weather is glorious...

Here's a recipe I use a lot this time of year...

Mojito (serves 1)

10 mint sprigs
1 teaspoon sugar
2 oz white rum
1 oz lime juice
Soda water
Ice cubes

Muddle the mint and sugar together. Add the rum and lime juice and pour over the ice.
Top up with soda water. Use a Highball glass for this one...
Now, doesn’t it taste like spring? ... Cheers!

“I always had a fantasy of being a chef, because I like kitchen life” Geoffrey Rush

2011-05-22T18:41:00.000-05:00

This one is not really about my kitchen... Or is it? It’s more about my kitchen stools...

Old and battered and dirt cheap... I love their simple design so much... And the chipped paint...

I’ve spent some of the best moments in my flat here... Sitting while having a snack, late dinner or drinks with friends...

“Sickness comes on horseback, but goes away on foot”

2011-05-14T21:17:00.002-05:00

Last Tuesday I woke up with a monster headache and an awful pain to my side... Turns out I had a kidney infection and had to be rushed to the ER... So there, that’s the reason why I was silent this time...

I have to confess hadn’t it been for you, I wouldn’t even have called the doctor... So... Thank you... You do know who you are... Thank you for being you and for being bossy and for making me call even when I was... Oh... You know...

Anyways... My body is on its way to recovery... I wish I could say the same about the rest of me... I guess that may take a bit longer...

Will talk to you guys later... I just came back home today and I do feel extremely weary and empty...

I actually have lots to think about... Long and hard...

Random things that make me smile n°1

2011-05-06T21:35:00.000-05:00

She's got the whole world in her hands...

Ok... Not the whole world... But I do have my life in my hands... Not too shabby...

Have a great weekend!

“Marge, it’s 3 AM. Shouldn’t you be cooking or something?” Homer Simpson

2011-05-01T21:51:00.004-05:00

I spent most my weekend cooking... Not eating... Just cooking... There’s times when I need to think and turn to the kitchen and just concoct all I can think of... For hours straight... I now have about 2 whole weeks worth of food...

I cooked a lamb and apricot tagine, a lamb and chickpea pilaf, I roasted beets for this salad I found on Dorie Greenspan’s blog... And as I turned the oven on... I kind of played with some pecans... Here’s what I did...

About 1 cup pecans
1 teaspoon olive oil
2 teaspoons agave nectar
freshly ground pepper
salt to taste
about 2 teaspoons lime zest

I mixed the nuts with it all, put them in the oven at 400° for about 10 minutes...
After they cooled I decided to mix them with ½ cup craisins...

So, maybe I should really give up using my mobile's cam...

I guess I will have to freeze all my surplus food now... Or something...

"Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms" George Eliot

2011-04-28T23:21:00.002-05:00

Momma... Me's feeling sick!

Othello is ill... Coughing and diarrhea... We barely slept last night and he's been incredibly patient with me working like mad... I so hope he feels better in the morning...

“Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint you can on it.” Danny Kaye

2011-04-26T08:43:00.000-05:00

I woke up and stared at my blog... I think it needs some redecorating... Doesn't it??

I will be making changes, adding stuff... I haven't truly messed with it for two years... There's things I love about the way it looks and feels... But some other things are just blah... Or seem blah to me this morning...

Anyways... I will be playing with it for a while... I want it to feel more like me... Let's see how it goes...

"I've always looked at shoes as being immensely beautiful things" Graham Coxon

2011-04-21T10:28:00.003-05:00

I got these very cute flats as a present yesterday...

It's well known that I have this thing for shoes...

I now have this pair that will always be lying on the floor... See, mum? I can get home, throw my shoes anywhere and no one will ever say a word! Ha!

Thank you so much, M.P.!

These babies are by enamel artist Patricia Olivares, by the way... I promise I will go pay her a visit and show you more of her work...

I need to go now... Errands to run, homekeeping... Boring, I know... But somebody has to take care of it all...

“The greatest conflicts are not between two people but between one person and himself.” Garth Brooks

2011-04-18T23:46:00.002-05:00

You know how I’ve been so happy recently... This morning I woke up tired and sad and depressed and wanting sugar and I could barely crawl out of bed... Why is it I find it so hard to achieve balance?

I have been meaning to write a longer entry, but every time I start writing lately I end up erasing it all and just shutting my lap-top...

It’s not that I don’t want to share... It’s just that I truly need some quiet in my mind lately when I’m on my own... I have so much to ponder and to organise in my head... Tons to think about, a jillion things to do at home... And a dog to bond with...

Adorable, isn't he?

We’ve been dealing with separation anxiety... Not me... Him... I can’t leave him on his own for more than ten minutes... I can’t even begin to imagine how much he suffered being abandoned by his previous family, really... And so it’s car rides...Finding places that will allow me to take him with me... Doggy hotel... Doggy hotel doesn’t help much, really... I mean I know he is well taken care of and the days I get him there he stays all happy... But the next couple of days after my tour ended were truly difficult for us... He misbehaved quite a lot... And in very creative manners I should add... I still have to come up with a way of making him feel safe and relaxed when left alone at home... I’m sure we’ll get to it eventually... But until we do it’s going to be all about trying to juggle with real life and work and my not being able to just rush into it all head first without taking another living being into account... Learning a lot here lately...

Life... There’s days when it just feels like it’s not me deciding on my life, but life taking me for a wild roller-coaster ride... Today has been just one of those...

I want to run away from it all and hide in a far and away solitary island... I would be lying if I said I am calm and cool and just enjoying the trip... I am not... At least not today...

“Of all the noises known to man, opera is the most expensive.” Molière

2011-04-07T09:52:00.000-05:00

Working lots these days... Touring..

Anyways... I just wanted to stop by and say hi... Will be back next week...

“It cuts like a knife but it feels so right” Bryan Adams

2011-03-29T22:00:00.000-06:00

Something happened last night...

I let someone other than myself use my chef’s knife for the first time ever... I won’t even think about the reasons... All I know is I did and it felt right...

" Happiness is a direction, not a place" Sydney J. Harris

2011-03-22T15:58:00.005-06:00

I adopted a dog last week and he is the reason why I’ve been so silent lately... I’ve even stayed away from work a bit, not usual for me, but hey, this little guys needs me... And being a freelance everything, I guess I can afford the luxury of working slower than I would habitually do...

So now, allow me to introduce you guys to Othello...

Getting him to pose for me wasn't easy... He'll get used to it, hopefully...

He is a huge bundle of joy... Adapting hasn’t been the easiest, living in a flat and all... I like large dogs and well, we do have enough space... What we don’t have is a yard or a garden and that has been making my schedule a truly chaotic one... No complaints, there’s been more rewards than disadvantages for me...

I could say I’m on the way of living a happy life. I’m in love with this “perfect for me” guy... I have a dog that brings lots of warm fuzzy feelings, I have a great job, I have music... Life is good... And as much as I would love to spend more time telling you about it all, I have to go get some laundry done and take a walk in the woods...

“I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.” Mark Twain

2011-03-11T00:17:00.003-06:00

I took a day off today and instead of coming here to write or go read other blogs, I spent most my day dozing, reading a book, eating proper food and just, you know, pampering myself a bit and watching through the window...

It’s not often that I would do something like that... My brain needed the break... I’m kind of stuck...

Usually, when my brain needs a break I just go out and walk aimlessly. You never know what you will see out there that will help you get fresh ideas...

Today I just needed to quiet it all... No music... No telly, no computer till late afternoon. Nothing but written words and the city down there... I truly felt as if I lived on an island...

Ok... I did think of some things I want to do to my flat... But those don’t count as work... Dreams can’t be considered work... Right? And maybe I cheated a bit going online on my phone for a few minutes a couple of times... But I got what I needed... My body is rested, my brain is rested and I’m ready to go back to work in the morning...

“I chose and my world was shaken. So what? The choice may have been mistaken; the choosing was not. You have to move on” Stephen Sondheim

2011-02-28T23:14:00.001-06:00

I realise there is more than my being busy... I could make more time to write, but I’m not willing to... What is it I don’t want to talk about? I just can’t go there... All I can say is I’m avoiding thinking of anything that will deal with what’s going on inside of me... And yet...

You may remember I moved about a year ago...I’ve been reading what I wrote then and crying a lot... Mourning... A life that was, things that could have been and weren’t...

A few weeks ago, a couple of friends and I were talking about the times we’ve had to reinvent ourselves... The last few years I’ve done nothing but that... I guess it’s a never ending process... Nothing to be ashamed of, we all do it... We all have to choose whether we turn left or right... Whether we stay or go...

I chose what I had to choose. No regrets.

“There are only two kinds of lamp shade customers. Ones who want exactly what they had before and ones who want something completely different.” Shirley Allen

2011-02-20T22:17:00.004-06:00

I wouldn't even know where to start with my week, I’ve been so busy!

Competing for a flat decorating project, teaching... I even had to cancel rehearsals because of work meetings... Will go back to rehearsing on Tuesday...

Yesterday I went thrifting with a friend and found some amazing pieces to work on... All I’m going to say is they are stools... There... The rest I won’t talk about because somebody from the decorating world saw us get them and tried to snatch them from us... So... Top secret project till I’m done working on the first ones...

I’ve been given the idea of turning my flat into a showroom for the pieces I rehab... That could be tons of fun... Having cocktail parties to sell at least 4 times a year... Will have to think about it carefully, though... I don’t want to rush into it, yet...

And finally, the icing on the cake... Lamp shades for my bedroom lamps! When I first moved here the bedroom had these cobalt blue shades that didn’t work at all... So, I took them down and went for chinese paper lanterns... No very happy about them, but white worked so much better than blue, and they were utterly cheap...

Let me show them to you...

The colour is the perfect addition to my palette...

Aren’t they pretty and feminine and modern and cool and...? I know! *Sigh*

I have to go back to work now. I have to organise a few things for a meeting tomorrow morning... And then it’s off to bed...

"Experience is a dim lamp, which only lights the one who bears it." Louis-Ferdinand Celine

2011-02-13T12:20:00.001-06:00

Love at first sight...

I went treasure hunting yesterday and found this beauty... I just had to share it with you, guys...

'I just want to be perfect.' Black Swan

2011-02-07T13:19:00.000-06:00

I could talk news and politics this morning... But why ruin it all?

I am working with a student, training her for an audition... Which reminds me, I saw Black Swan on Friday... Talk about real... I felt it... It was perfect... I accepted long ago that we performers are damaged... We need perfect, we are willing to do anything to get there... And we are all black swans...

On other, lighter topics... Parties, Football, food... Lots of food... Tamales, Baja tacos, tapas, triple chocolate cheesecake... I didn’t sleep much these last few days, and I’m starting to resemble this little fellow here...

Meet my "pet"!

Civilians are enjoying a long weekend here... Some of us are working... My student will be getting here soon... I have to go work on my voice... Have a great week!

“....I can dream away a half-hour on the immortal flavor of those thick cheese cakes we used to have on a Saturday night.” Mary Antin

2011-01-31T13:39:00.004-06:00

Cheesecake and friendship... Two of my favourite things, really...

I just spent almost two hours on the phone with my best friend from primary school... She, in Marrakesh... Me here, in my bed... We laughed, talked animal rights, fashion, life in general...

As little girls we were like sisters... And in a way, we will always be... Time and distance can’t change love, can they? We were talking about our tea parties and how we loved dressing up...
Both our mothers were amazingly stylish... We used to make clothes for our Barbie dolls using patterns from Haute Couture magazines from France...
And cheesecake... I baked a cheesecake this weekend, for a friend who just broke up with his girlfriend.. We sat for hours talking and eating... Fortunately I went for a 7 inch one, for we ate it all... (Thank you quick metabolism!)

There is something strangely comforting in all that creaminess, isn’t there?

Absolutely decadent...

I have to go walk all the excess calories off now... Have a great week, you guys!!

“I loved the Little Lulu stories, where she would fantasize that her bedroom rug would turn into a pool of water, and she could dive down into the center of the world” Lynn Johnston

2011-01-24T18:06:00.001-06:00

I love to know there’s always a place where I can escape. Lately I am avoiding people for I need to make some quiet in my brain...

Here's where I hide...

Shhhh...

And again... I still need to think about art, shelves, curtains... But the colours I love are there... In the beginning I was thinking of sea glass colours. But then I decided what would make me really happy would be living in a painting by Monet... I still need to add some to the palette and to the textures...

I wish I had the japanese bridge but that could be pushing just a tad too far, right? What I have is my very own Rouen Cathedral at 7am, 11 am, 2 pm, 7pm...

I guess this is as close as I’ll ever get to living in one of his paintings... Unless of course, somebody decided to give me Giverny gardens as a present... Anyone?

“Decorate your home. It gives the illusion that your life is more interesting than it really is.” Charles M. Schulz

2011-01-18T19:12:00.000-06:00

I have tons of work and I'm still busy decorating this place...

I haven't found the time to sit and write, but I just had to post a photo or something, right?

Still working here... Getting there...

I have to get back to work, but I will try to sit calmly and write later this week... Take good care, guys!!

"I bought a decaffeinated coffee table, you can't even see a difference"

2011-01-11T12:30:00.001-06:00

I have been very busy working on my flat...

In fact I had my second blogoversay on the 6th and I was having so much fun working here that I forgot to write on that... I spent my whole day hanging paintings, going through boxes and baking...

It’s not that I don’t feel like writing this time... It’s that I have been so busy living... Not bad for a change...

Oh, and... Remeber my coffee table?? Well... I have finished working on it...

Here’s the results... I hope you like it...


Pink it is!!

I have been living like a student for almost a year... Problem being I’m not one anymore... Right? I need to make this place feel remotely adult and sophisticated...

I have a lovely Bokhara rug in the lounge now as well and a couple of cushions on the couch... Will post more photos as soon as I decide on a proper tablescape...

I have to go now, guys... I need some sun... Laters!

The Pledge

2011-01-03T11:15:00.002-06:00

I am not the only one to have suffered attacks this last year... A close friend of mine took the decision to deactivate her whole "electronic" life because of some very mean people...

Let's unite and stand against abuse...

I just took the pledge to be a kind-hearted blogger in the hopes of making the blogosphere a happier place...

AS A KIND-HEARTED BLOGGER I PLEDGE TO:

create, inspire, and admire rather than compete with fellow bloggers
be understanding of each other-- in the blogging community, as well as in the world
stay away from internet/blogging bullying
speak my opinion freely, while still being mindful of other's feelings-- be tactful.
make an effort--no matter how big or small the gesture, to spread kindness or joy to others
acknowledge that I will make mistakes, (I am only human) but remember to learn from them
know that at times I will post about the negative stuff in life, and maybe even some complaining (I am only human) but I will always follow up with something happy/positive too.
believe that this world is a good place, filled with good people.

You can read more about this campaign here .

"Ring out the old, ring in the new, Ring, happy bells, across the snow: The year is going, let him go; Ring out the false, ring in the true." Lord Alfred Tennyson

2010-12-31T18:50:00.000-06:00

This year is finally coming to an end... For the first time in my life I am just sitting here, waiting for it to be over...

I have been thinking a lot... (Not that I don’t in other circumstances...) And I have reached a couple of conclusions... The first one is I am not going anywhere... This blog stays here and will be the same as ever... I am not letting anyone scare me anymore or worry me or just intimidate me into going some place else or into not talking about me... I have been here for almost two years now... Why would I move? So, if you are really interested in my boring little life, just keep reading... If you want to know more about me... keep reading... I’m really not giving in...

This is my boudoir and will still be my boudoir... My whole life has been about moving... I refuse to do it this time...

Oh and second... I may be changing paths in the next few months... Still trying to decide what to do with my life... Seems like the self discovery and growing up is a never ending thing...

There is this one thing that will remain the same... Me... I will stay true to myself and to my beliefs...

Je fais le voeu que 2011 soit une année riche en joies intenses et en bonheurs durables....

Happy new year to you, guys!!

“When the Czar has a cold Russia coughs”

2010-12-19T20:54:00.000-06:00

I’m down with bronchitis... I really thought I had escaped it this year...

I know what they say about respiratory illnesses and psychosomatic effects... And no... I’m not going there... Not now...

I will be taking some time off to recover... I will put my little vacation to use by going back to knitting... A friend asked if I can knit a throw for his bedroom and, well... Bronchitis... Free time... 2.6 lbs of yarn...

I hope you guys are doing well... Will be seeing you soon!

“Moon, plum blossoms, this, that, and the day goes” Kobayashi Issa

2010-12-14T21:29:00.000-06:00

I was going to blog on Sunday, but then I remembered I had an appointment with my tattoo artist today...
Will only show you the front... I'm so happy about my new tat!!

Ume...

"In the Garden, my soul is sunshine."

2010-12-06T15:40:00.005-06:00

I have found myself missing my garden a lot lately... I miss just sitting there, surrounded by plants...
I miss my trees... My flowers... Container gardening is simply not the same and I have no balcony or terrace... And not enough pots...

I so needed to see plants yesterday that I went to the flower market. Mexican markets, as I have said before, are absolutely amazing...

Growing up in countries with truly harsh winters makes me appreciate it more I guess...There were lots of people walking around just talking amongst themselves while I walked slowly and just drooled over everything I saw...

I had to contain myself from buying every flower and every branch that crossed my path!

I still got to buy me these... Aren’t they quite something??

I can't help but think of these balls as ornaments...

My very own "tree" in a vase...

I don’t have any idea of what they are... But I know these branches look so good in my lounge!

"The idea is to write it so that people hear it and it slides through the brain and goes straight to the heart." Maya Angelou

2010-11-28T23:39:00.000-06:00

I wish I could write what is going through my brain and my heart these days... Unfortunately some very strange things have been happening and they are preventing me from letting myself go...

It’s actually getting to a point where I’ve considered quitting writing here altogether... This was like the only place where I could talk about some things and now I don’t want that information getting to some people who have been stalking me, amongst other things...

I don’t want to give my blog up... But I also don’t want to feel like I can’t come here and write... The options would be... Posting videos... Just like I have been doing for the past couple of weeks... Or going to food... Or decorating and just letting some time pass till I feel safer...

I don’t feel safe right now... And that is the plain and ugly truth...

“There are times when silence has the loudest voice” Leroy Brownlow

2010-11-21T23:51:00.002-06:00

I have been unusually quiet today and I can’t bring myself to write...

I still wanted to come say hi and leave you something to listen to... Tomorrow is St. Cecilia's day... Patron saint of musicians... Being a musician has always been a reason for me to celebrate... I will always be thankful for doing what I do...

“Marrying an old bachelor is like buying second-hand furniture” H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

2010-11-14T21:59:00.002-06:00

I finally found a coffee table that will work for a while... It does need some refinishing and I’m actually thinking of painting it pink... I’m still looking for my perfect coffee table, but I really, truly needed one... I just couldn’t sit in my living room staring at the blank there....

I really think this would look amazing in pink...

Oh, and I also found me an amazing planter!!! It’s late sixties and must have belonged in some office building or something... I love it!! I actually spotted it from afar and just had to run and get it...

I simply ADORE my new planter!!

I’m actually sitting in my living room tonight... Just looking out the window and enjoying the quiet and the way the place is starting to feel...

Will go fix me a drink now... Later guys!!

“I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it ‘content’” Lauren Bacall

2010-11-07T23:56:00.005-06:00

“What do you do?” The immediate response to my answer is: "Please, sing something for us!!!” I wonder... Would they ask a cardiologist to check their pulse??
Don’t pull that face, guys... Really... I love what I do... I love singing... What do I sing? Anything from Opera to Pop...

Most singers sing either one or the other... It’s not very usual that they would crossover...
My training began when I was thirteen.... I wanted to sing rock... My voice was suited for Opera... And so, my journey began... “Opera!!” They all said... Teachers and parents...
According to some, Opera singers are the true élite singers... What can I say? As long as I could open my mouth and sing I was willing to do as they all pleased... Of course if you asked me now, I would have gone for nothing but jazz... But I'm lucky I can sing anything I like...

I don’t sing solo all the time... Not easy making a living on that... I’m a choir singer and a backup singer as well, and it’s tons of fun...

Will show you me as a choir singer...

Can you see the tall girl there in the middle? Well... That’s me...

And me as a backup singer?

The female voices on this song? All me... Funny, huh?

So, there... This is what I do so that I can buy me pretty things... Not to shabby...

“I suppose it would be impossible to keep house with only 36 doilies” Anne of Green Gables

2010-10-24T22:32:00.000-05:00

I’ve had tons of work... Not that it would surprise anyone... But I have been trying to think about my flat and the things I love and the things I’d love to have...

I’ve recently become addicted to decorating blogs... I so want my place to be unique and reflect who I am... colour schemes... objects... heirlooms... art...

Do you like doilies? I have always liked them and have lots of them. I’ve had them for years carefully wrapped in tissue paper... My granny knitted most of them... I can hardly remember her, cancer took her when I was very young... But I do remember her hands and her voice and the way she always called me to come have a conversation and some candy in the afternoon... I am so happy that her doilies were all handed down to me...

Doilies are so hard to use in modern decorating, aren’t they? I happened to find this photo of a doily table runner... A bit too busy for my taste... But the perfect idea...

Very bad mobile photo of my favourite version so far...

I started playing with a few of them today... Not yet sure about what I have come up with... So I still haven’t tied them together... I think I may need to play some more...

““Will you walk into my parlor?” said the Spider to the Fly; “‘Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy”” Mary Howitt

2010-10-17T19:49:00.002-05:00

I had this conversation recently, where one of my closest friends mentioned how she reads my blog regularly, but doesn’t dare commenting on it...

That really intrigued me and had to ask about the why... The answer was surprising...

Ok... Let me try to remember her exact words...

“Every time I go to your blog and read... I feel as if I had sneaked into your bedroom and stolen your journal... And really... Commenting on your writing would be just like confessing that I take uttermost pleasure in spying on your life!”

One of the things she said to me was... “All that your blog is lacking is starting every entry with a “Dear diary, ...”“

Wow... I have to confess I was kind of taken aback by her comment... I will try not to shy away because of that... I am usually not one to talk much about my life ... So... I am ambivalent now... Should I just keep writing all that goes through my head? Should I try to limit my subjects to shoes and clothes and food?

I love the fact that this little blog of mine confronts me with my life... But I also wonder if I disclose a bit too much of myself... She shouldn’t have told me about it... I now feel like I get undressed without shutting the shades or something... Funny, huh?

"Sleep is the best meditation" Dalai Lama

2010-10-10T22:28:00.002-05:00

I haven’t slept much... haven’t eaten much... I have worked a lot... It’s the only thing I know I’m good at...

I am about to embark on a couple of new projects... One of them involves writing in Spanish... Not an easy task, considering... But, hey, as long as it doesn’t involve thinking about my life and keeps my brain busy... I’m all for it...

I’ve lost about eight pounds this last few days... I know... I feel so weak and tired...

I have been looking at job opportunities in other parts of the world... I know it’s a recurring theme... But it’s only that sometimes I wonder...

I’m really weary and confused... I guess I should head to bed...

“Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other "sins" are invented nonsense.” Robert A. Heinlein

2010-10-05T22:33:00.003-05:00

I’m sitting by the computer feeling numb and wishing all of this was a nightmare... Alas it is not...

Somebody tried to hack my Facebook account... Got my email and bombarded my inbox and email account with messages full of insults...

My reaction was, perhaps, out of proportion... I wouldn’t know... I got so angry, I did nothing but vomit and cry all night...

You see... I never mess with anybody and I simply don’t understand why they would attack me in such a way... I hope it doesn’t happen again for they did cause tons of damage...

I am a person who tries her best to be polite and stay away from problems... Whatever did I do to provoke such an assault? I guess I will never know... I am truly hoping this was an isolated thing... I don’t think I could take any more of it...

In the process I ended up hurting the person I’m in love with... Unintentionally of course, but still... I know he was only trying to help, and me, I just pushed him away...

There is nothing I can do to change that now... Isn’t this a cruel joke? Hurting the person I love the most in life because of someone who decided I was the perfect victim to pick on? That’s something I will most probably regret interminably, for there are no apologies that will take back the way I acted... Ever...

"I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise" Joe E. Lewis

2010-10-03T22:45:00.003-05:00

I won’t even bother to pick a subject to write on tonight... The place is much to noisy...

There is this Mexican custom of calling places after Saints... And then there is this calendar of Saints days... Each day of the year corresponding to a Saint... And they celebrate people who have those names on each of those days... Patron Saints are huge here...

But the worst part of it all is... They come up with parties to celebrate the Saint patron of places!!! And I live just by a village named Saint Francis... And guess what?? October 4th??

Saint Francis Day!!! Wooooooohooooooo!!! They started the party last night at midnight and the music is still playing... On a Sunday night!! Can you believe it??

Can’t study, can’t write... I’ll just sit here and be grumpy till they stop the noise, I guess...

“Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I’m taking with me when I go” Erma Bombek

2010-09-26T23:01:00.000-05:00

Everybody knows I have a thing for spices... I would never do with just your basic mini spice rack... I have a whole collection of jars that keeps growing and growing... I buy all I can... Get spice gifts from friends who travel... I even make my own mixes... Not all of them of course... But most of them...

I have Herbes de Provence, somehow my spice rack would seem empty without it... I make Ras el hanout, dried rose petals and all for my Moroccan cooking... I blend my own Masalas, I love Indian food!

I’m always looking for different flavours... Different combinations.. Cumin... Caraway... Italian Oregano... Mexican Oregano... Aniseed... Star Anise... You name it... I have to have it...

Here's a small sample of my spice jars...

Most my non cook friends just stare at my pantry and look a bit lost... So, I’ve been thinking... How about I work on a spice chart that would help you guys get authentic exotic taste going??
It could be tons of fun, right?

Oh... I need to go get my pork roast out of the oven... Traveling to the Caribbean this week...

Laters!!

"Thank God I'm an atheist." Luis Bunuel

2010-09-19T23:21:00.009-05:00

I just spent a few quiet days, keeping mostly to myself trying not to interact with people...

I have a couple of conflicts I need to resolve and I guess the only way for me is to keep away from civilisation... I actually took advantage of Yom Kippur... I have to admit I’m not really religious... It’s hard to be, really, when your parents come from Jewish, Santeria, Spiritism, Catholic and Mason backgrounds, right?

All my life was about, WE don’t eat this... Or WE don’t do this or that on a day like today... But no one ever tried to explain the why... We as kids had access to all the books needed to get all the religious information that we wished... But were never really pushed to believe one thing or another... We had Christmas and Rosh Hashanah and ate Akara and Fufu on special dates... “You will get to decide when you are an adult... If ever...“

I then attended Sacred Music School... I can sing mass in Latin and can recognise every single part of Freemason music hidden in Händel or Mozart... I was never forced to attend mass by the headmaster, though... My parents made it clear to him that even when I picked a school that actually belongs to the Vatican I was not a Catholic... But I do enjoy singing mass a lot...

And then I married a Catholic guy ( Yes... I have been married... But that’s another story) and that’s when I discovered I got abducted by one of my grandmothers who felt all of her grandchildren had to be baptised... Or else... “So, what if they happen to die and go to Limbo? None of my grandchildren are going to Limbo!!”...

So what does that make me? I guess I am Jewish... Being the daughter of a Jewish momme... But does being baptised make me a Catholic? Or doesn’t it? And what about all of the rest? I am against animal sacrifice... So... That should rule out at least one religion, right? But it’s not all about that... There is also the music and the food and so many other things that I like... As for Masonry? I guess I just like the fact of it being a “society with secrets”, and the fact that I got to sing “secret” music often while at school or while I worked in choirs...

Talk about religious confusion... Or should I call it inclusion? I don’t know for certain...

All I know is I feel good about me being all that mix of beliefs... I also know that these last couple of days were good for my soul...

I still need to resolve my conflicts, but that, I guess will come in time...

“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.” Judy Garland

2010-09-12T21:43:00.002-05:00

Blank page syndrome... It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, for I do... It’s just that I have been staring at the screen for hours now, trying to get a couple of words to appear... And to make sense...

Ok... Let’s see... Maybe if I just write whatever passes my mind this will eventually make sense, right?

Work... Business going slow... But I’m having so much fun now with the coffee bar that I don’t really care, even if it means having to sacrifice tons of things because we are hardly making any money yet... I do need to take a few photos so that you can see the place!!! Oh, but I better wait a bit, because we may be having graffiti on one of our walls. Courtesy of this French graffiti artist who’s been doing very cool things around the neighbourhood...

Me... I will be getting a new tattoo in October... I had lunch with my mum today and told her about it? She just rolled her eyes... She should be used to it by now... Even though I’m the only one of her perfect kids who has soiled her skin in such a fashion... Oh, but don’t let me digress... I will be getting plum blossoms on my left shoulder... Ok... And maybe on my back and chest as well... Won’t be able to hide it when using concert gowns anymore... Bye, bye Opera Singer... Hello, Rockstar!!

And... Remeber this bad guy I talked about last year?? Well... He is back on the scene... And I am... Well... Totally, completely, utterly... Nervous and scared and excited and in love...

"Comeback is a good word, man." Mickey Rourke

2010-09-06T23:51:00.001-05:00

Oh, Scheiße... ( Ooooooooooops... Sorry!!)

It’s been long!! Longer than I though it was, anyways...

Ok... Where should I start...

Last time I blogged I was about to record some music... Well... That never happened because the day after you last heard from me, we got robbed at the coffee bar...

And then I got depressed and scared and wanted to give up...

And then I said to myself I just couldn’t let that happen... But couldn’t get myself to write or sing...

But I am back now and have tons to tell!! I will be back later this week because today was awfully long... I do need to catch some sleep... All I can say is thank you for your patience, guys... It feels good to be back!!!

"Video killed the radio star" The Buggles

2010-07-19T13:38:00.001-05:00

"There is nothing in the world so much like prayer as music is." William P. Merrill

2010-07-06T05:58:00.008-05:00

I am working on Pergolesi's Stabat Mater right now... I fell in love with it when I saw Jesus of Montrea l...

I know I have been meaning to quit singing classical music for a while now... But I just couldn't say no to this one... I always wanted to do it and I now have the opportunity... Just for the fun...

The singer that I will sing it with will only be in town for a couple of weeks and will be coming to Mexico City sooner than expected... We had planned to do this in August but she called to say she has to move it all and come next week... So... I just hope we can find a church on time...

I have to go now... Lots to study... Lots to plan... So little time... But... Just so that you know why I fell in love with it... Here's one of my all time favourite Baroque singers doing one of my favourite Stabat Mater numbers...

Fac ut portem - Sara Mingardo

“I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tuna Fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock.” Barbara Grizzuti Harrison

2010-06-28T22:06:00.004-05:00

I have nothing much to give you, but an image of me trying to come up with recipes for new drinks... Maybe you guys could suggest a few flavours for smoothies and frappés??

I know... I have been avoiding writing... Again... But please, just...Try to be indulgent...

"A house is made of brick and mortar, but home is made by the people who live there." M. K. Soni

2010-06-07T21:48:00.001-05:00

Not quite myself today... Headache... Upset stomach... It most probably has to do with the weather... It has been impossibly hot for weeks now... No real sign of rainy season getting here...

So I decided to come home early...

I haven't finished working on my flat... I just managed to make my walk-in look decent and I started taking books out of boxes... I'm still lacking tons of things... Bookcases... A bar... Most my paintings are still stored... I haven't managed to sit and sew pillows for the couch... I'm still lacking shelves in the kitchen...

I know I don't have to rush... There's no need... But some days, I just wish a genie came over and did it all for me... I'm usually so tired when I get home... And I only have Sundays to take care of the place... Most my day flies by while shopping for groceries, cleaning and doing laundry and by the time I decide to start organising my things I'm spent...

I haven't even bought paint for my bedroom, can you believe it? I mean... I can live with the walls as they are but I would really love to come home one night and finally see the light the way I want it to be...

I do miss having all my stuff at hand... I truly do... I think I may need to call in sick more often, huh? Seems like it's the only way I will ever be able to make this place feel my own!!!

"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." Robert Frost

2010-06-01T23:22:00.003-05:00

... Last summer a friend from school came on holiday. She asked me and other school mates for lunch at a restaurant... When I got there I saw her and her daughter... A couple of other friends from school and this very good looking guy...

Somehow this guy and I managed to sit by each other before the meal ended... We talked and laughed... He kind of asked if I was with someone... I always go for the truth, so I had to say that yes... I was...

A few weeks ago I was walking near the coffee shop...This very good looking guy is walking towards me... I just thought... "Hot, hot!"

When we got closer I realised it was the same guy from that lunch last summer... We stopped and talked for a few minutes... Exchanged phone numbers... He works just two blocks from the shop...

He seems to be quite a coffee drinker... What can I say? He does make me laugh... And smile...

"Editing is the same as quarrelling with writers - same thing exactly" Harold Ross

2010-05-20T23:01:00.002-05:00

... Could it have something to do with the time of year?? Last year about this time I went through this very weird period where I decided to evaluate my life and edit it...

Going through just that same thing now...

Only this time I'm not asking silly questions and laughing my head off... I'm just, you know... Thinking a lot... Writing lists... Trying to avoid conflict and people at the same time... This time I just want to see them from the outside and decide on my own...

I know... I am a bit crazy... I just have to go through this... Will keep some... Will cut some out... Sounds a bit like improvising... right? I can't think of any other way of deciding on what to do with my life and with the people in it...

"There are times when silence has the loudest voice" Leroy Brownlow

2010-05-11T22:36:00.002-05:00

Today I was kind of asked where I have been lately... Not an easy question to answer... I need to think lots of things over... I need space... I need time to myself... I need to decide... Or do I? Can't I just go on feigning there is no tomorrow... No yesterday....No today for that matter?

I have to confess I have been trying to avoid lots of things lately... I don't want to be confronted with real life... I just want to work and hide at home afterwards...

That would explain my being so silent... Right?

“The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.” Donald Kendall

2010-04-28T22:11:00.003-05:00

I have been meaning to tell you about work... But it has been keeping me extraordinarily busy...

And now, this guy tasted one of our cakes and decided he wants us to cater desserts for two hundred people... So instead of keeping my blog I have to quote this service...

And as I have to wake up at 5 am... I better get going!!!

10 things that make me smile

2010-04-24T08:08:00.001-05:00

Playing in the rain...

The smell of freshly ground, brewed coffee...

The way you lower your eyebrows sometimes...

Summer dresses...

Peanuts and vodka...

Sitting at the piano and humming to whatever song comes into my mind...

High heeled shoes...

Getting "just wanted to send you a kiss" messages while at work...

Colour crayons...

Candied ginger...

"Strange dear, but true dear, when I'm close to you, dear, the stars fill the sky..." Cole Porter

2010-04-21T00:54:00.005-05:00

Work is great... I'm loving it... I have been dealing with purveyors and taking lots of decisions...

The best part about running out of money is that we have had to be really creative... That's a good thing... Keeping my brain very busy...

I have been asked to cut my costs as much as possible but there are some things where I'm not willing to give in... Like my compostable cups for instance... In order to get those I had to abstain from buying a bartender's blender... I love cold drinks and frappés... But it's more important that I have amazing coffee, really... Smoothies will most definitely have to wait...

About my life... I have been trying not to think, but as Morpheus isn't kind to me I just can't help it... I really feel I should stop trying to have one... I mean being life challenged can't be that bad, right? And not being sha la la happy is ok, if you think about it carefully...

A few years ago somebody called me a "tortured soul" and they said if I weren't one maybe I wouldn't be able to sing... And this time I'm completely sure they weren't talking about my technique...

I always say that technique is the most important part of my singing... But it's not really true... I'm always looking for ways to make every word ring true and that sometimes means scratching more than the surface of my feelings...

I remember this time when I challenged myself into singing nothing but love songs... I do have issues with love... Tons of them... I know... You guys have read about my being in love... I am... Completely head over heels here... But that's not the point... My allowing myself to fall in love is a new thing... The thing is I had never felt this way when I sang this concert I'm telling you about...

Anyways... I picked twenty songs... Songs that used to make me laugh because I really, really didn't buy the whole love thing and started working on them... Mostly working on lyrics the way you analyse poetry... Strangely, one of them, the one that I laughed the most to begin with just did the weirdest thing to me when I started rehearsing... Every time I sang it I just lost my voice...

I was about to take it out of the program, to be honest... But what I did instead was put it at the end of the concert... I was truly surprised when I started singing it... People just started looking at each other and most of them were crying by the time I was done...

Digressing here... What I really meant to talk about was not my performing abilities, but my tendency not to feel happy... I have been pondering the situation here and I have concluded that maybe feeling happy is not important... Maybe we just idealise the idea of it for we have always heard that we have to find it... I'm done doing that...

I'll just go with things that make me smile and feel alive... Like... Hum... Work?

"Fortunately, I was supposed to look confused and disoriented because, God, I felt that way" Dick York

2010-04-12T23:44:00.002-05:00

This is like the 10th time I start writing... I erased every time...

I am very confused about my life...

...Not about work though... Will deliver news and photos of the shop very soon...

My life? Do I even have one at the moment? Not really, I think... I'm back to square one...

Are some of us just life challenged?

I think I will have to go hide in my work again... I'm really, really good at doing just that... And, honestly? I just can't stop everything to sit and think. So, confusion will have to wait until I finish taking care of other priorities...

... And talking about priorities... Time for bed... I need to finish decorating, run tons of errands and look like I'm happy in the morning...

"If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep" Dale Carnegie

2010-04-07T00:57:00.001-05:00

I'm tired and hormonal and worried...

We ran out of money!!! I haven't been sleeping trying to figure out solutions...

The thing is... We are opening next week come what may...

On the bright side... This time next week? I'll have my barista certificate hanging on the wall!!!

"Oh Lord, please (...) Don't put us on the barbecue or simmer us in stock. Don't bake or baste or boil or stir-fry us in a wok" Monty Python

2010-04-02T16:09:00.005-06:00

Two of my friends came for Pad Thai last night... They are both photo buffs, so I really didn't stand a chance of getting away without at least one of these...

Thanks, M.P. It's just so funny to see myself cooking!!

I tried to escape, but... Oh, well... At least I can show you my kitchen now!!! I love my kitchen... It's still lacking shelves and stuff... But it really has good bones, don't you think?

"Okay, let's take a break. Be back in ten" The pursuit of happyness

2010-04-01T00:14:00.003-06:00

Busy brain... Busy body... Sorry guys... Will have to pass on writing for now... I really, really don't want to encumber you with all that has been haunting my brain lately...

It could be that I'm too tired... Or just that I am feeling overprotective of myself... There are some things that I need to solve on my own these days...

I will think of other ways than writing to entertain you while I sort my life out...

Tonight I'm just going to have a warm shower and curl up in bed...

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." Albert Einsten

2010-03-24T23:12:00.002-06:00

Seems like I'm back... I won't even tell you guys why I was feeling so lousy... Only thing I'm going to say is living with an autoimmune disorder can be a difficult thing from time to time...

I have been living with more than one for ages. Thyroid... Or more like the lack of one by now... And arthritis....

Sometimes you just forget they are there because you feel so good... But there are times when you fall prey to them and there is no way you can escape...

About 14 years ago I was told: "Oh, when you have one of those, in a way, you have them all!" That... By a doctor, thank you! So, should I just sit here and wait for all of them to happen?

I usually try to take good care of my body, but sometimes I just forget... Living life is complicated enough as it is. You just can't take care of yourself as if you were some delicate tchotchke... Not me at least... Sometimes I get so engrossed in living that I forget... And eat tons of bread... And work as if there were no tomorrow... And just try to enjoy to the fullest...

I know this may lead to having lots of problems when I'm old... That, of course, considering I get to be old...

There is this one thing I know for certain... I will keep living to the max... No matter what happens...

"I am sick and tired of being sick and tired" Fannie Lou Hamer

2010-03-18T20:17:00.001-06:00

I know you guys haven't heard from me in quite a few days, but moving and opening a coffee place at the same time hasn't proven to be an easy task...

Today, I really hit bottom... I just sat there and cried because I'm so tired and can't see the end of it all...

A part of me is really happy about every new event, but the other just wants the roller-coaster to stop...

The more we work on the place, the more we seem to find problems... And today we had our very first problem with our landlord... And we haven't opened yet...

I so want to just forget about the whole thing for a few days... I'm really, really, having a bad time now...

"Noncooks think it's silly to invest two hours' work in two minutes' enjoyment; but if cooking is evanescent, so is the ballet." Julia Child

2010-03-13T22:22:00.002-06:00

I had a long day... Again... Woke up at 7... I looked at my flat last night and noticed the urgent need for some homekeeping...

I live in a country where house helpers are a standard... But right now I can only afford it once a week... So I really save the chores I dislike the most for my cleaning lady... The rest, well... You can imagine I guess...

I had to work fast, because I had to meet B. at 10 O'Clock... We bought paint... Went to the upholsterer's... We found the ugliest chairs in the world... So ugly they are actually amazing... But they do need covers... So we went to the guy and talked about all of our options... We would have sewn them ourselves, but we really have our hands full...

Afterwards I left B. to do some office work while I rushed to my pâtissier to work on some recipes... We spent about six hours discussing recipes and working on some of them... I have very specific ideas of what I want... One of the things I want is change my menu seasonally, specially my desserts... And as Spring is just around the corner...

We went through cupcakes, mini-loaves, panna cotta, mousse... She just rolled her eyes from time to time... But she is my mum, you see... Having my mum work under me is great fun... We are a great team and she is willing to go as crazy as I wish... Not every pâtissier will, that one is for certain... I'm very proud to have her in my crew, and I know she respects my work... And of course she would never give my recipes away!!! That is a plus, right?? So, now you know where I got my love for food from...

We tried three different recipes today...So, now, I'm stuck with dozens of cupcakes and mini-loaves... Oh, and I forget this one batch of shortbread... Anyone up for a cuppa and a bite??

"Each day has a color, a smell." The Mistress of Spices

2010-03-11T00:12:00.002-06:00

I've had tons on my mind... Working on recipes... The cooking part I like... The calculating costs, not really...

Asides from that, I have been trying to sort out my life a bit.... My thoughts... My feelings... Things have been happening so fast lately... No time to think of those and the other night I found myself sitting, eating a quart of ice cream with a silver spoon... You can laugh all you want... I don't find it funny...

So tonight, after I finished working I decided to occupy my body... I don't want to stop and think... I tried to make sense of my pantry and my spices... I spent two hours repackaging most of them... Smelling... Touching... Travelling in my mind... Each spice a memory...

I noticed I have 14 kinds of salt alone and suddenly realised most of them were brought back from interesting places... That made me want to go... Again... It seems the wanting to fly away will never cease... No matter how happy, or full I can feel, the desire to leave remains...

Leave what? Go where? I wonder...

“You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her”

2010-03-08T00:46:00.004-06:00

I just came in from spending Sunday with the girls... Roof party... Barbecue... Lots of sun, lots of food, lots of beer...

We are such a crazy bunch... The environmental lawyer... The photographer... The writer... Seven of us...

What do we have in common? Our passion for life, our love for what we do...

We laughed, talked politics, fashion, culture, discussed career paths...

Spending time with them is one of my favourite things... I just love them so much...

I have so much to tell you about them... But lately my days are so long and my nights are so short ... I really need to get my rest...

Going to bed now... Huge smile on my face...

"I was just making some lunch. Would you like a tuna sandwich?" The Godfather

2010-03-06T00:09:00.003-06:00

Where do I start? Ok... Here...

At the end of January I told you about B. and I planning to open a coffee place... Remember? Ok.. Here's news... We have found a place... And closed the deal... And... I'm a nervous wreck and I'm so excited and have been working on the project non stop for days now... Coffee machines, furniture, recipes, paint...

Paint seems to be a recurring theme these days, huh? First flat, then shop... Oh!!! I have found the perfect shade of white for my room!!! It's called coconut... It has a a slight tinge of plum in it... I found it while looking for coffee place paint... Brought a sample home and so far I like the way it looks at different times of day... I need a free weekend though, to go buy it and paint here...

I woke up very early so that I could work on recipes before my student got here... Read tons of them for inspiration... Tried to decide on my best bets... Asked for input and discovered that I can't get away with not having a ham and cheese sandwich... I never would have thought of that... I did get a great suggestion... And that would bring me to this other theme... The guy... Remember him?

He gave great advice on food and on lots of details I hadn't though of... Was I amazed... It seems he won't cease to surprise me... No wonder I look up to him more and more...

But wait... Back to sandwiches otherwise this one is going to turn into a "I'm so in love post" and I am, but still... Will have to try that ham and cheese some time next week... I have been eating sandwiches for the last couple of days... I'm not sure about how my body will react to that... Bread and my body... Not the best friends I'm afraid... But I need to try what I cook, right?

I decided I need a Reuben... And found out.. Guess what?? No corned beef to make me happy!! That just had me doing more research and I had to send a message to this very close friend of mine asking for a recipe he would trust... When I said I just want the perfect Reuben, he just went "Oh, I hear you"... We decided I should try Alton Brown's recipe... I will tell you how it went in about 2 weeks...

I'm realising it's past midnight!! No wonder I'm so tired... Will have to keep writing some other night... Have a good one, you guys!!!

“A house is a home when it shelters the body and comforts the soul.” Phillip Moffitt

2010-03-01T23:54:00.004-06:00

March already... Time flies!!!

I have been so busy trying to make my place livable... I wasn't so convinced about it in the begining... But it turns out it's a great flat...

And the colours do look great... And I'm so excited and tired, you guys wouldn't believe it...

I am just going to show you my bed... ok??? I still have to hang paintings, decide on the right colour for my bedroom walls... Nothing else to show so far!!! I will take more photos when I'm a bit more satisfied with the way the place looks, promised...

I LOVE my bed!!!

...And talking about beds... I'm headed there... G'night!!

"After all, tomorrow is another day" Gone with the wind

2010-02-25T00:01:00.010-06:00

Today was long, full of mixed emotions, I had tons of reasons to be happy and celebrate... I also had strong reasons to be profoundly sad... Someone close to me was found dead... 26 year old... Alone at home, had a seizure... Found 2 days later...

Life has this way to show us we are very fragile, hasn't it?

On the other hand... I did it... I finally moved in... It was really important for me to move in today... My reasons? The craziest ones on earth, and had to do with a special date and me being me and having the weirdest of ideas... And I guess I will have to talk about it eventually... I just can't keep writing about things and then not explaining and I would gladly stay here and write about all my reasons to be happy and about me wanting to move on this exact date...

But you see, I woke up at 6 am... it's 12:4o ... Wi-fi not working, MSN not working, and my mobile just decided it's not working either... That has to be some sort of message, right? That I should go to sleep...

I am off to bed this very minute... Tomorrow... Or is it today? Will be another day...

“Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.” Lao Tzu

2010-02-23T02:03:00.004-06:00

Should I say more??

I think I will spare you and go to sleep... Have to wake up really early... Oh, I have gas at home now, so it looks like I may move in tomorrow!!!

“Cheese has always been a food that both sophisticated and simple humans love.” M.F.K. Fisher

2010-02-21T22:03:00.004-06:00

My idea of perfection...

Mascarpone, honey and pecans on rustic bread...

“I dress for the image. Not for myself, not for the public, not for fashion, not for men.” Marlene Dietrich

2010-02-17T00:21:00.001-06:00

I had a long day. Started very early this morning and got home about an hour ago...

I was trying to pack a box this afternoon when one of my friends called me, a fashion designer...

She knows I have been having a hard time lately, so she decided to give me a private show of her new collection...

I really needed something like that... Take some time away from work or thinking of moving...

So I spent 2 hours watching clothes, trying a few of them, talking fabrics...

I also got to pick a skirt that she will make just for me... Going to bed with a smile...

"I like to work a lot with wood. I make furniture that falls apart. I also sew." Tim Conway

2010-02-14T23:37:00.006-06:00

After a week full of music, I came back to my real world...

I managed to find an upholsterer whose work I liked... That makes one less thing to worry about... I worked on refinishing a couple of bookcases... I still need more book cases... But I will have to look for some I really like... These were not a pretty sight, trust me... They still need a couple more days of work... I also decided to do something about the blue lamps in the bedroom... I will most definitely need to post photographs once I'm done with them, lots of cutting and gluing... I hope they turn out the way I want them to...

I also spent hours shopping for furniture and found a few interesting bargains... Coffee table... Whitewashed wicker, interesting design... It may need a glass top, will think more about it... I also found a new chair for my keyboard... Reading lamps that are actually desk lamps, but I will use as bedside... Side tables for the TV room... They are actually trays, but again, nice design... I will need to get a TV... Hum... Hadn't thought of that...

Oh! I got my washing machine and dryer yesterday... But I need to call the shop so that they come install them... At least I am seeing a few changes in the apartment... I was really starting to believe I was never going to be able to move... I can't set a date yet, because of the gas, but at least they told me they are calling during the week to set an appointment and come see the place... Once they come they are supposed to set another date for installation... So, in the meantime, I am taking care of little things that make me happy and take my brain off the big non gas issue...

I am thinking I want an upholstered headboard... I have been taking a look to see if there's any I like so that I can make my own... I think I may go for white cotton piqué, and a bed skirt to match... I may start with the latter... Easier to make, even though I haven't sewn anything in ages...

I used to be very crafty and then, somehow, I just stopped... I guess the fact that I tend to work so much just didn't help... I will need to make time for a few projects...

Anyways... My arms hurt from the sanding and painting and I have students early in the morning, so I might as well go to sleep now...

"Remember that all music, in general, is a succession of rainbows." Pau Casals

2010-02-09T23:01:00.007-06:00

This week I'm doing something I have never done before... Simultaneous interpreting at a horns master class... Funny, right?

How did I ever come to do this? Well, here's sort of what happened... I was worried because I got rid of several students, and then some of them left on their own, and then some fell victims to the economics crisis we are facing... And I mentioned this to... Oh... No names, remember? But you know who you are...

Interestingly, after a few minutes he went... There is this job... Would you want to take it?... It's about interpreting, so I just said: "Hum, interpreting? What kind of interpreting?"

"Gimme a sec, let me find out" Was the answer... My brain was sort of going... I haven't done that kind of thing ever since I was in Lycée... Where I just went from one language to the other like a fish in water...

Turns out it was about some music master classes... In my mind that just made it even worse... "I'm only a singer" and I guess I just made some silly excuse... But the reaction was this: "Baby, come on! This has your name written all over it, just grab the phone and call the guy this very minute"... Obedient little me, did just that, but a part of me doubted I would land the job...

Turns out I did... I still knew nothing about horns, right? So I started reading like mad... Techniques, parts of the instruments...

I was very scared yesterday, when I got to the place the master class is taking place in... But today, I can say is I have gained a lot of insight ... Not only about musical instruments, but also about music, and music making... I've acquired knowledge not only from the teachers, but also from the students...

I would have lots to write about all I have been learning these last two days, about working solo, about musical ensembles... That has kind of allowed me to forget about all of my worries... There are more important things to life than appliances and moving... And I still have the rest of the week... I can't wait for it to be tomorrow morning... I am a musician after all...

And, you... The one who made me grab the phone... Thank you... Not only did you get me a new interesting job that is teaching me about variety... You also gave me one of the best gifts I have ever been given: The reminder that in life, as in music, there is a succession of rainbows... From piano to forte to piano... And changes in colour... That is what turns musical notes into art and a boring life into living... Without all that variety it just wouldn't be worth the while...

"Things are never so bad they can't be made worse" The African Queen

2010-02-07T21:11:00.003-06:00

I don't even want to write about this week... It could be summed up as frustrating...

It appears I won't be able to move in on the date I wanted to... I have light and water, but not gas... And I don't have a date for installation yet... I wouldn't be able to cook or have a warm shower??

I had to reschedule with my cable company because of work and they simply pushed the visit to the 18th??? I mean, I was supposed to move on the 13th!!! I know it's only a week... And ok, so that would mean, no TV, I can actually live without it... No telephone... Ok, there's always the mobile, and no internet... Again... Mobile... Still... I would prefer having those when I move, right?

And I hope I have gas by then... It's so discouraging, really...

On the other hand, I found a couch and 2 chairs that I like... But they do need reupholstering, and I have been having problems in that department as well... Again, I could move without those... And just wait for them to be ready... (Gas... ok... no gas, that is my main problem...)... I am opting to have them reupholstered by a pro and found the perfect shade of just off-white linen to do it... I can move without those if they are not ready... (I know... Gas... No gas there...)

I could go on, because I have really been having problems in the moving department... But at least I can say that the paint in the sitting room, dining room, tv room and studio looks amazing, I love the green and chocolate colours... Just finished painting those today... Guest room is still white, and so is my room. Mine will most probably stay that way, only I need to find the right white. The one that is on the walls, now? I don't really like it, but I can most certainly live with it for a few months... And the guest room, well, so far it's just for storage... I will deal with it eventually...

Oh.. Washing room? I don't have a date for washer/dryer delivery yet... Aaarrrrrgg... Ok... So I can take my clothes to the laundromat... (Yes, well, that still doesn't solve your gas problem ,right?)

The shop B. and I want? So, we found the perfect place and fell in love with it... But, apparently the landlady won't rent it for a place that will carry food of any sort... We are still trying to negotiate on that one... Hope the tides will turn in our favour...

And my cold... Well, I fear it's just part of my personality by now... It just won't go away...

Is it Monday, yet???

"Why do two colours, put next to the other, sing? Can one really explain this? no. Just as one can never learn how to paint" Pablo Picasso

2010-02-02T00:18:00.007-06:00

Down with a cold... Yes, I know... Tired... Somatization... Need to cry, blah, blah... It's not that I am dismissing the fact that some things in our lives would do that to us...

It's just that I don't really have time to stop right now. I really need to keep working and decorating, and taking care of my life. Illness will have to wait, or will be there, only I can't let it stop me at this point...

On the bright side, I finally decided on a colour scheme for my bedroom. I really had problems working it out because I had to deal with some stuff that was already there, like a Prussian blue blind and royal blue Venetian glass tiles in the bathroom... Hum... I do like blue a lot but I really wanted to go for a softer look... So, after lots and lots of thinking I settled for a sea glass colour palette. Relaxing, softer than just blues and whites. Watery shades of blue and green, maybe even a bit of purple or turquoise... I have yet to decide on the final accents, but at least it was easier for me to pick linen hues...

This is proving to be great fun... I just want my bedroom to be a place where I can really forget about everyday hassles and I am really liking the fact that it's a work in progress. A first for me... I usually like to have everything there before moving in... Could that mean that I am finally on my way to stop being such a control freak?

Oh... I guess time will tell, right? At the moment I just want to curl in bed with a good book and a cup of hot cocoa...

"Find something you love to do and you'll never have to work a day in your life" Harvey MacKay

2010-01-29T00:51:00.005-06:00

Looks like I finally managed to find musicians that I am happy to work with as a team for some time... So, I may be writing a lot about rehearsals and repertoire and the such... But, that was not really what I wanted to write about tonight...

What was it again? Oh yes... After rehearsal I met my bestie and we went for coffee and after she asked about my day and made sure I fed on something other than mangoes, she just started...

"Listen, B. I just saw two possible places for our coffee shop..." In case you are wondering, my best friend and I are B & B... And no, you don't want to know what the Bs stand for, nor the reason why we got those names... Unless you are prepared to read for hours straight and fall asleep somewhere in the middle of this post...

Oh, coffee shop... Sorry... So, we have been talking about opening a coffee shop for about a year now... Well, it seems that her brain's been working a lot, because she just came to me tonight with lots of ideas of where to go from there... "After all you are a Chef, right?" "And I really want you to work on recipes for... And... plus I want your lime cookies!!!" "I have been thinking about packaging and..." She is a designer, you see? And a very skilful sales person and PR...

So I just had to go with: "But, B.... What about the fashion collection?? And our fashion designer there, sitting on a bench? We really have to get him to work... We are already late... Launching the collection has to be ready by spring so that we can get autumn/winter in time" So she just went... "Yeah, B. I know!!! In the mean time we could work on swimsuits, isn't that brilliant?" "Baubles, seashells..." So I had to ask: "What about fabrics?" She just smiled and said... "Oh, easy as pie... We get on line... Or... Maybe we should travel a bit?" Huh?

So this year is going to be about coffee and packaging and fabrics and lime cookies and freezing and clothes and trinkets and... And... What about music??? Oh, well... Music is very much there and I won't let it go away, but it sounds like this year is going to be full of work... And work plans and meetings and goals to achieve and... Oh... I need to study now... I still need to figure out how a whole brass section in an orchestra works and I need to learn lots of new lexicon...

Seems like tonight's going to be long... Let me go get a cup of tea...

"Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning"

2010-01-26T19:14:00.002-06:00

Remember when you were a kid and being in your mum's arms made you feel loved and protected?

Well... Today, I felt just like that... Only better... Much, much better... Interesting, right? How a hug, sometimes is so much more than just a hug...

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of it's sorrow; it empties today of it's strength" Corrie Ten Boom

2010-01-24T23:39:00.002-06:00

So, today was really bad...

I know I have been trying to decide on my life lately, but this doesn't have to do with it... For the second time in my life I am confronted by the having to decide on my parents' lives...

First time I had to was when my dad fell ill and told the rest of the family I was the only one allowed to decide for him... I know I did what I had to do, and should have no regrets, but sometimes, when I lay awake dealing with insomnia I just go back there and ask myself, could I have done anything different? Would that have changed the ending? And as much as I tell myself I would do everything in exactly the same manner today... I just, you know... Can't help wondering...

Today, I have to deal with my mum's life... Fortunately she is not ill, but still, she sort of asked of me to take care of some issues that she's facing... I really have to ask myself... Am I prepared for it?

I can barely deal with my own life this very minute... It seems there comes a time, when you sort of become your parents parent... Or something... I really won't go into specifics... I still have to come back from this numb state I'm submerged in...

Some do say that when it rains it pours... All I can say is I sort of feel trapped inside a hurricane tonight...

"The bed has become a place of luxury to me! I would not exchange it for all the thrones in the world" Napoleon Bonaparte

2010-01-22T01:17:00.005-06:00

I went to get me a new bed today and this question simply attacked me: "What kind of bed is it that you like, or want or need?"

It's not the first bed I buy, you see, but I had never really thought of a bed the way I did today...

Right now I have a California King Size one... And I just thought: "Ok, far too big!" No need for such a large bed, less space in the new room" So I decided I was going for a double, and thought: "You know exactly what you want, right?" And headed for the store...

Once I got there, I just walked around, feeling a bit lost. And then my head started again: "Hum, I haven't thought of furniture yet. So I really need a box and a mattress.There is no way I'm sleeping on the floor. I'm this very sophisticated adult, right? Not a student..."

Then the real problem began... "I want firm, but not too hard"... "No, I don't have posture problems and I really want to be comfortable" "This one is really too soft... So, let's try next and next and next...

...2 hours later, I did find it! I was wearing high heels and still had to jump to get on it... I know... Childish... But what can I say? I have this kid inside of me who really enjoys that sort of thing... Firm enough but still soft and cozy... Oh, and my new pillows? I'll spare you the details...

The actual thing here, is I had never thought about what it is I really want for me or need or plain like. And the getting that new bed made me aware of it. I can tell you what my favourite colour is. My fave smell, or taste... I realised some things are just educational, so maybe the first bed I ever bought was not my ideal one and the buying was influenced by somebody else's ideas of what the perfect bed is... I never went by just me... Till now... That really got me thinking about other things...

So, at this time and after lots of pondering, I can say I do prefer my plates to be porcelain and white... Flatware? Silver over inox... Oh, ok... I'll settle for silverplated... My soup spoon? Definitely Continental beats American... I like BIG spoonfuls of my favourite soup...

Who would have thought the buying of a bed was going to unchain that kind of thinking? I have been moving all of my life... But this is the first time ever I have stopped to smell the roses...

"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today" William Allen White

2010-01-18T00:10:00.003-06:00

I am moving in three weeks... New address... New phone number... New life...

No garden... Now, that can be a problem... No peach trees and will have to plant my herbs in pots but it's a small price to pay, I figure, for a new start...

This has been a busy weekend...I have picked wall colours, apple green and chocolate brown... Upholstery... Mostly white... I think the results are going to be nice and fresh...

I have to decide on accent colours yet... New kitchen? That should mean new recipes... I have tons of things to plan, tons of things to think of... But there is no rush, you see... I'm thinking of just taking one day at a time...

I can't say I'm not a teeny weeny bit scared... For I am... But you see, I just figured I have to do it... Jumping off a plane without a parachute? Sounds just like me... Right?

Will most probably end up landing on my feet...

"Delilah, is suicide under self-help?" The final cut.

2010-01-16T10:05:00.003-06:00

Has it ever happened to you that you that people decide they have to fix your life? They give you lots of advice you don't ask for and then they come with this bright idea that you should ask yourself questions? I sort of had to face that the other day...

I know people mean well... But still... You see... I even got a list of questions I should be asking myself... Ludicrous, right?

I could spare you the reading of it... But... I just can't help sharing... I mean, I sort of had to sit through it while smiling and trying to keep myself from yawning...

Ok... I'll be good... I will just make you read a few of them... Won't take too long... Promised...

Do you work hard? Well... I would like to be working now... Instead, I'm just sitting here listening to you... You are kind of stopping me from work, now, aren't you???

Do you have fun? Well... Not now... I could be having fun... Instead, I'm just sitting here wishing I were... Working? Working IS fun...

What’s missing in your life? You mean, right now? How about a bottle of whisky? Or a bit of silence? Those would be very much appreciated, thank you...

Do you take risks? I'm about to... If you keep talking for long... I could be running the risk of spending the rest of my life in jail...

What are your talents? My talents? Are we even having this conversation? Really? Starting to lose it... Ya leave me alone, now, will ya...

Where do you want to go? Oh... You know what? I'll just go get some smokes... Will be back in ten... If ever...

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you” Friedrich Nietzsche

2010-01-10T13:49:00.002-06:00

Have you ever wondered why people have this irrepressible need to lie? I just don't get it really...

Some even say everybody lies and that white lies or omitting the truth are necessary to protect the ones you love.

I have read we start lying at age 4 or 5 when we become aware of the use and power of language... They say the first lying does not come with evil intentions, it's only a way to find out, or test, if you will, what can be manipulated around them. Eventually children start using lies to get out of trouble, or get what they want...

They also say that white lies, in order to protect someone's feelings are not a big deal at all...

People who feel the need to lie have a problem... They lie to protect themselves, to look good, to avoid punishment...

What they don't think about, is that the person they lied to knows to a certain extent that they have been lied to and sometimes just pretend to be deluded...

... Some of us just don't consider lying an option... Not for ourselves, not from our friends...

One can always tell, because liars say things that don't add up... I'm sorry... And I know I can take many things in life, but that... I just can't... I'm sorry... That's just the way things are...

Some could say I judge too harshly, but I do judge myself that way as well... When I have been lied to, things will just never be the same...

"We three kings of Orient are, Bearing gifts we traverse afar..."

2010-01-06T01:12:00.003-06:00

In the beggining there was war...

January 6th, 2009... That's when I first decided to keep this blog. A couple of days after the Gaza war started, I faced the fact that I needed to escape its realities...

I just couldn't bear all of my friends talking about war, writing about war... They were at each other´s throats.

I just thought... I can't believe this, it can't be true, you guys are friends!!!

I refused to take sides, even though I could have. All I could say was: "You see, I ache for both sides! Children, mothers, sons, they are all human beings."

The thing is, a friend suggested I should find something to keep me busy and not think about war or politics or economics, because I was seriously starting to freak out. And so Dumb & Glamorous Ph.D came to exist...

Never did I imagine I would still be writing here today. I am not a writer, never thought of being one. I have stopped writing for weeks, months even, but somehow I end up coming back... And this time I definitely think I have come back to stay. It still seems so strange, though, to have readers in so many countries for I never thought someone could be interested in reading what I have to say, I just wrote to forget and have some fun.

I have been rereading myself the last couple of days and I have realised this blog has evolved in unsuspected ways. Started being about shopping and clothes, and has turned into something much more intimate... My fears, my joys, my pains... So much more than plain Dr. Dumb & Glam... Anyhoo...

...Thus the first year of this blog elapsed... And Dr. Dumb and Glam placed her shoe by the bed, in the hopes that, by morning, she will find frankincense, myrrh and gold...

"I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance." Steven Wright

2010-01-03T23:54:00.008-06:00

-"Have you had breakfast yet?" First spoken words I heard today when the phone rang, just past noon...

-"Why, of course not! It's Sunday!!!"

-"Let's have breakfast?"...

Not brunch, no... Breakfast... Well... Fortunately, I do know the right place to have breakfast on a Sunday... They serve it till 3 pm...

Got a quick shower and rushed to meet my friends...

Can you imagine Café au lait and tartines, instead of lunch? Well, that's just what I had... Not my first time... And hopefully not my last...

And as I have noticed you haven't had to suffer my photos for months... I made sure to go armed with my cam... Sorry guys!

Chocolate hazelnut spread anyone???

oh ok... Just pick what you want from here...

"The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul." G. K. Chesterton

2009-12-31T20:04:00.004-06:00

Endings... Beginnings... Our whole lives seem to be nothing but...

When a year ends we keep trying to decide whether it did us good or bad, whether we got what we deserved or not...

When a year begins we keep making wishes that next one will be better to us, we keep making resolutions that will change our lives...

What we seem to forget is that every single day offers new beginnings...

I won't write resolutions... I will decide what path to take every morning while having my first cup of coffee... But I will do this... I will wish, every day, for a promising new one, for joy, for beautiful moments, for strength to accomplish new goals, and mostly for clarity of mind and spirit... The rest? Well, the rest of it is just hard work...

Happy new day to you all...

"Health and cheerfulness naturally beget each other." Joseph Addison

2009-12-29T22:50:00.004-06:00

Lots of my close friends are in town now...Some I hadn't seen in months...

I have been eating a lot and drinking lots of Champagne... I've also had lots of explaining to do...

"You don't look as stressed as other years"... "You haven't lost weight this December?"... "You haven't fallen ill? Weird!"... "We are all dying here and you're not??? How come???"... "Oh dear! You look so healthy!"

They are all suffering from burnout... Not me... Unusual... "You do look a bit tired alright, but not weak"...

Ok... So this is the first time in years that I haven't lost at least 10 pounds in the last 2 months of the year... And even better, I haven't come down with at least a bad cold... Last year alone I had three very mean bronchitides before the end of the year... And had to tour that way...

Usually Opera singers tend to gain weight... And most of my singer friends have gained lots of it due to anxiety binge eating...

I must be a weird singer for I tend to lose it... But this time my body doesn't look thinner... And my cheeks look most definitely rounder than last summer... I guess I should consider myself lucky and should thank the ones who have been reminding me to eat and to sleep the last few months...

I also have other theories as to why I look healthy and happy... But that... Well... Yup... Another story...

"Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love!" Hamilton Wright Mabie

2009-12-24T00:29:00.005-06:00

This year is coming to an end and I'm so tired... I am not doing anything for the holidays, decided to just take a few days off and get my body some rest...

Of course I am seeing friends, the ones who remained here and those who have come from different parts of the country and the world... But I am not doing Christmas, no... And I didn't do Hanukkah either...

Surprisingly, I find it a relief... Holiday season always leaves me exhausted and anxious... Not this year, no... I really mean to take it easy and to start next year with all my energy intact...

I actually considered going away for a week or so, but then I thought... Why go to a crowded place when the city is going to be empty? I may even go visit a museum or two... Or have a picnic in the park... I haven't had a picnic in ages, that would be a real treat... I may roast some chestnuts or drink some Champagne... The possibilities, you see, are endless... Because even if I am not going for traditional celebrations this year, I still have lots to celebrate...

Oh, but... Wait... This one wasn't supposed to be about me... It was supposed to be about you... When I first decided to write this post, all I really intended to do was wish you all Happy, Happy Holidays!

Wherever you are, no matter how you choose to celebrate... May this season bring nothing but joy, happiness and peace to your souls!

Warm hugs from Dumb & Glamorous me to you, guys!

"To feel the love of people whom we love is a fire that feeds our life." Pablo Neruda

2009-12-15T00:16:00.002-06:00

My dad passed ten years ago tonight... I still miss him, and I guess I'll always will...

But instead of just grieving for him, I have decided to rejoice in the things he taught me... So here... A poem from one of his favourite Poets... Pablo Neruda.

Sonnet XIV from "20 Love Poems and a Song of Despair" One that I learnt almost by heart as a kid because he read it to me aloud so many times...

Every day you play with the light of the universe.

Subtle visitor, you arrive in the flower and the water.
You are more that this white head that I hold tightly
as a cluster of fruit, every day, between my hands.

You are like nobody since I love you.
Let me spread you out among the yellow garlands.
Who writes your name in letters of smoke among the stars of the south?
Oh let me remember you as you were before you existed.

Suddenly the wind howls and bangs my shut window.
The sky is a net crammed with shadowy fish.
Here all the winds will let go sooner or later, all of them.
The rain takes off her clothes.

The birds go by, fleeing.
The wind. The wind.
I can contend only against the power of men.
The storm whirls dark leaves
and turns loose all the boats that were moored last night to the sky.

You are here. Oh you do not run away.
You will answer me to the last cry.
Cling to me as though you were frightened.
Even so, at one time a strange shadow ran through your eyes.

Now, now too, little one, you bring me honeysuckle,
and even your breasts smell of it.
While the sad wind goes slaughtering butterflies
I love you, and my happiness bites the plum of your mouth.

How you must have suffered against getting accustomed to me,
my savage, solitary soul, my name that sends them all running.
So many times have we seen the morning star burn, kissing our eyes,
and over our heads the grey light unwind in turning fans.

My words rained over you, stroking you.
A long time I have loved the sunned mother-of-pearl of your body.
I go so far as to think you own the universe.
I will bring you happy flowers from the mountains, bluebells,
dark hazels, and rustic baskets of kisses.
I want
to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.

Thank you, dad, so much, for all the love you gave to me...

"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone" Tommy Cooper

2009-12-10T23:51:00.002-06:00

Has it ever happened to you that your sleep patterns get all messed up without an apparent reason?

I am just thinking that last year I used to sleep about 3 to 4 hours a day, never more than that and I seldom remembered my dreams... But that has been changing and changing and changing...

I suddenly started sleeping 9 hour nights, then it changed to my needing power naps, then... And this has been going on for a few weeks now, I fall asleep then wake up 2 or 3 hours afterwards, then I fall asleep again...

Last night I fell asleep at 9 pm and woke up at midnight... Went to sleep at, what was it again? About 1 am? And kept doing that until 8 am this morning ...And today I had first a 3 hour nap then a 2 hour nap? And I just can't say I am not sleepy, for I am...

And the dreaming? I'm not even going to go there... All I can say is today, while I was napping I awoke to the sound of my dreams... Not talking about the sound in my dream... But the sound I was making... Talk about lucid dreaming...

I think I may have to read more about sleep and dreaming, because even if I can say my dreams were actually pretty cool... I'm rather intrigued about how it happens... I just won't read about that tonight, because... Well... I just have to go to sleep...

"Bullshit! I can't hear you! Sound off like you got a pair! -Sir, yes Sir!" Full Metal Jacket

2009-12-02T23:50:00.004-06:00

Today was hard... I sort of had to tell two students they are never going to make it... They do lack the substance and the discipline...

I made a girl and a man cry... To me it's just normal... People want to be trained, they come to you... When they are singer material you are rough with them and treat them as if they were scum...

They have to get used to it.. Public is mean... People who will hire them are mean...

What does one do when they simply don't cut it? I have asked some other singers to see what they do... Some of them are just into teaching for the money and just keep pretending they are training a real singer... I just can't do that... I'm sorry but I can't...

All of my teachers were evil... They were supposed to be that way... and I guess I just learnt that it works...

Most of my students have cried at one point or another... And they keep coming back... I know... Weird... Some never do...

I never cried, never had to... I always was amongst the elite students... My teachers still treated me like scum... " You know something? You should really, really learn how to speak French, you just can't be a singer if you can't pronounce French" This one I heard from a teacher on my first lesson with her... My eyes just went pop... French is sort of... My first language!!!! I just looked at her calmly and asked for the proper pronunciation... And had to keep a poker face while I listened to her gibberish... The next thing I did was sing the song the very same way I did the first time... You really need to have a certain amount of cynicism if you really want to make it on stage, right???

You also have to be this perfectly tuned singing machine... And that takes lots of work... So maybe your voice is not too bad... But you just don't do as you're told? Not singer material... So maybe you are disciplined but don't really pay attention to directions? You are not singer material...

I still have some habits most people would laugh at... I always sing in the shower... Not because of the reason most people do... But because steam is good for your instrument... When I don't sing there I most probably will do some breathing exercises... I have crazy conversations about mucus density with other singers... Yes... Quite disgusting I know...

I know every single acupressure point that will help me sing when dysphonic... There is no way I'm not singing when I have to... That's the way it is...Perfectly trained singing soldier... I can expect no less from my pupils...

That of course is the singer in me... The civilian in me thinks it must really be terrible having someone tell you your dreams are nothing but. I ended up with a headache... Please, please let these two realise they shouldn't come back. I know it sounds mean, but I just don't feel like having to make them cry again and again until they accept the fact that their fantasy of becoming singing superstars is far beyond their reach...

About my headache... It's gone by now... After a nice warm shower, chocolate lavender scented lotion and some chocolate, of course... Off to bed now... I need all my strength to torture soldiers in the morning...

"Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed." Corita Kent

2009-12-01T00:00:00.001-06:00

Today I was told "have a good week, first week of last month, of an extraordinary year"...

It has been an extraordinary year, in so many ways... I can't even begin to recount them...

First of all... Music... You have read about it by now... New music, new life. Second I have found long lost friends from school and it turns out the love and the caring is still there... I have made new acquaintances as well... Some of them have turned out to be so special that they are family to me by now... You know.. Sometimes you do look into a person's eyes and you just can tell you belong there, right? My life today wouldn't just be the same without you guys, and you should know it... Thank you so much for just being there for me...

Third... It seems I'm finally growing up... Taking my life into my own hands... I have started new business ventures. I haven't talked about them at all here, but maybe I soon will...

I have learnt to let go... Life does change and change is good... As much as some of us would love to just remain in our comfortable cocoons... We always get a chance to start all over again...

I could just go on and on about how different and really out of the ordinary this year has been for me... But you see... Some things I will just keep to my heart and some others I may tell you about later... I should really go to sleep now... Tomorrow after all is going to be extraordinary and may bring new and unimaginable things to my so called ordinary life...

"Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love" Albert Einstein

2009-11-24T23:55:00.001-06:00

It's official... I'm in love with the guy...

And I have to say this... I really, really wanted to believe he is a bad boy... And even if he is in some ways... I very much like that about him...

He is also sweet and adorable and... I know... I know what you are thinking... But it's true, to me, he is right about the perfect mix of good and bad... And... Yes... Love... Ok? Just bear with me...

This last few days I have discovered amazing things about him... I am going to spare you all the details, because when people are in love they just go talking and talking about the person they love and I guess it could get to be a bit long and maybe you wouldn't want to read all about his hands and eyes and smile... Or about how he is so intelligent and talented... Or about the way he always seems to get what I'm trying to say...

Oh, and guess what? My closest girls, just loved him... Yes, they have met him... To me it's actually as important as a guy meeting my parents and it was actually a bit scary because as most of you know by now, my friends are my family... What if they didn't like him??

Girlfriends don't like bad boys... Now, do they?? And mine?.. Well, not only did they love him... They sang all of his praises afterwards...

I do have to admit that having to say I'm in love is not an easy task for me... but I am, and there is no point in denying it... Is there?

"Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common sense" Helen Rowland

2009-11-17T11:05:00.003-06:00

I once wrote about bad boys... What would happen, do you think, if you ever fell for one??

I am talking about the type of bad boy who is really a bad boy... Never been married, exceptionally talented, funny, wicked good looks... And, as I have now discovered, extremely confused, lonely and hurting??

I just realised I am falling for one of those... I think may be in trouble..

"Death still celebrates the life in you" Nelly Sachs

2009-11-02T22:48:00.002-06:00

The whole of Mexico is celebrating the day of the dead... and I have been thinking of my dad a lot...

He was this very kind and strong man whom I always looked up to... He taught me how to talk, how to stand up for what I think is right and to love my work more than I have ever loved anything else...

He was always so full of life and energy and was full of wit and wisdom... This last few weeks I've been missing him more than ever, and I wonder what he would say to me about the choices I have been trying to make... You see, as much as I know what I want, there are days when I doubt myself and I so wish that I could talk to him and ask for advice... I'm so sure he would tell me to snap out of it and do what I think is correct... The thing here is... There is no right and wrong... I just need to decide on some stuff and can't find the courage or energy to do so... anyways... I will just try to follow my heart...

When it came to work, he was always the best... and asked the same from all who surrounded him... I always tried to match his standards... alas to no avail... but I do know he was very proud of me... not because he told me, but because he told everybody else and I could always see the love in his eyes when he turned to see me...

I wish I could write more... but, you see, I have this very tight knot in my throat and I'm trying hard not to cry... I just miss him so much...

I'm thinking I should try to celebrate his life more and cry his death less... perhaps I should do as most people do here... drink a shot of tequila or two to his health and invite him for a feast and a good conversation...

Happy day of the dead to you all... a bottle of tequila is waiting for me by the altar...

“Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do” Oscar Wilde

2009-10-25T23:09:00.002-06:00

And again... Not writing has really become a habit, huh?

I guess I have only been trying to protect myself from myself... It may sound weird, but to me writing is all about exploring my inner self... And I have been really trying not to do that lately...

Work is great, my personal life on the other side seems to be crumbling away around me... I can live with it I guess, only I'm trying to rescue all the pieces that seem important...

I haven't had much time for my friends, because work always comes first, of course the friends I see at work are there, and so I get to spend time with them... The rest, well... I have heard (phone calls of course), and read a lot about my being so obsessed with what I do...

Lately, I have been talking to a therapist, and what she asked is, what is it that is important for you? What is it that you need? My answer... Work... My work, my creative processes... My being an individual... My not having to share my life with anyone if I don't feel like it...

I do know I run the risk of ending up all alone... And that may be what I want this very minute... It's not set in stone of course, but that is very much how I feel...

You see I was always told: You don't need another person to do things for you, to provide you with the things you want or need... You are quite capable of getting all of those things on your own... and I am...

The other thing I was told... You can be with another person as long as it is what you really want for yourself... And the question now floats in the air... Do I really want to share my life with anybody? That question, I have been mulling over for weeks now... Or is it months? It's hard to say, for there were recent times, when I kind of lived in denial about the subject...

It's really so easy to simply hide in the fact that you are overworked instead of facing reality... Work, to me, is a way of escaping the real world... It's also my only source of solace...

I am one troubled glamorous girl, huh? My music has been taking more and more space... I don't eat, I don't sleep... There seems to be no need... My music feeds my soul... Or so I chose to believe...

Why try to be human when you can be a semi-goddess???

One morning recently, I opened my eyes and noticed things were not going well... and I said to myself... time to seek help...

I still want my music around me... But I'm working hard on trying to decide if it's the only important thing for me... I hope I get some answers soon... Time will tell...

But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? Albert Camus

2009-08-30T23:57:00.003-05:00

It’s happened again , I stopped writing… Only this time it’s not anything other than lack of time and inspiration… I have been called a lazy arse, (I have, for real!!) by a friend of mine…

So here I am on a Sunday… almost midnight, trying to write for a change…

I have been touring, studying, rehearsing like mad, hardly had time to see any of my friends lately, no shopping at all…

My teacher got to Mexico a few days ago… and I have been working on my Baroque technique… No vibratoooooooooo!!! Ok, so almost no vibrato, I hope by the end of the next two weeks I’ll be able to sing my Händel Arias as if I hadn’t stopped doing it ages ago…

Of course, I need my vibrato, only, I also want to be able to sing without any of it in the next few weeks… I will be recording backup voices for a friend’s pop music, and that won’t allow for one… last time I recorded for him I had a hard time controlling mine…

Oh and guess what? I’ll be recording a demo next month… will keep you posted on that one…

I have also taken some more decisions about my career… I won’t retire from classical this year… I still need to sing this Lieder cycle that I started working on a few years ago and that I abandoned due to thyroid problems… it’s called Frauenliebe und Leben (a Woman’s love and life)… It’s bringing back lots of painful memories, but I really feel like I need to do it… So retirement will have to wait till next year, after I sing Winterreise, of course…

Lately I have been unbelievably happy with my life, the whole of it… even if it’s leaving little time for me to do certain things I love… and… well no, this bit I’m not telling, yet at least… will have to wait and see… I know it’s not nice to keep you guys trying to figure me out, but… this one will have to wait…

Seems like my tea is ready… tea and a piece of tarte au citron… how’s that for a late night’s snack!!!

"One can never speak enough of the virtues, the dangers, the power of shared laughter." Françoise Sagan

2009-07-20T23:46:00.010-05:00

A few days ago, I woke up very early and tried to go back to my normal life after almost 10 days of dealing with the flu...

I taught, went to the supermarket, and came back home so tired that didn't even want to fix a light lunch, so, I went to bed... Took my lap top and decided to check on my friends... One of the first things I read was... "I'm feeling kinda sad today"

I took my mobile and called one of my closest friends... I asked "Kinda sad??? What do you mean kinda sad??" He just babbled something about his boyfriend, different points of view... different goals...I interrupted the conversation and said: "Get some shoes on your feet! I'm coming to get you! We need lots of fat... And carbs!!!"

I came to pick him and we went for hamburgers... And a float!!! I hadn't had a float since I was a kid! We talked about relationships for hours, ate until our stomachs ached, laughed a lot and then decided we really needed a walk...

We then headed to the mall and tried every single thing we liked. I was looking for a little white dress... I actually looked for that dress for days and just found one today, but that's another story... We kept on talking. About sea creatures, for he is a marine biologist, music, he is also a singer and, mostly, we talked about orchids, one of my friend's favourite subjects... Oh, and now that I think of if, if you read Spanish you should really, really get by his blog... It's about, well, orchids... I have killed my fare share of those, so next time I decide to get one, I'll make sure to follow his directions... No more dead orchids... Promised...

Photo courtesy of Tlilxochitl

So, it turns out my friend's relationship ended. It saddens me, really, because they were the loveliest couple ever, but I do know sometimes, even though people try very hard to make things work it just can't be accomplished... I do know that by the time he got home, he had a smile on his face, and I trust that, in time, his heart will be completely healed. Oh and... Maybe, just maybe, he can take me with him next time he goes scuba diving???